Memoirs of a Feral Cat

18 “With those ears? You’ve got to be kidding.” I gave her a hard look. “I got it. Your humans keep your head rammed up against a wall to keep them bent.” She glared and emitted a low snarl. “You are ignorant and dirty. Your smell spreads through every street in the area.” “Better than smelling unnatural, like a two-legger. You’re so weird. I wouldn’t be surprised that you had dreams of biting off your own tail and learning to walk on two legs, so you could be more like your captors.” “You’re such a low-life. My humans aren’t the captors. I chose them.” She stuck her chin up and straightened her tail. “I go wherever and whenever I like.” “Now who’s the stupid one,” I scoffed. “Better to be free and dirty than to be at the beck and call of two-leggers. You’re as dumb as a dog if you think you’re in charge.” Her nostrils flared and I watched them, wondering if steam would come out. “I’m the top cat around here which means I am in charge. Of course a dirty street feral, like you, would have no idea of the pleasurable life a feline like myself has with humans.” “Oh, I know alright. Eating fake fish, letting their paws maul you, and cut you open. You think I don’t know anything about two-leggers.” I gritted my teeth and let the words seethe through them. “I wouldn’t go near one if you gave me all the mice in this neighborhood.” “Disgusting.” Her shoulders quivered, and with her front paw she sleeked back those strange ears even more if that were possible. “You can have the filthy vermin. I eat the best, served to me on a clean platter, something a mud squatter like you will never understand.” “You weirdo. You’ve lost all your instincts. You might as well be a two-legger.” She arched her back and screamed. “Get out of my area or I’ll tear you apart.” I made myself bigger and faced her full on. After my bout with the